Genius and the ego
by Nova-chan
Summary: Parody of beauty and the beast with Bulma and Vegeta. Also starring Goku as the candlestick and Piccolo as the clock!


Genius and the Ego  
  
Author: Nova-sama  
  
E-mail: IlovemenoV@aol.com  
  
  
  
Rating: G  
  
Series: DBZ  
  
Summary: Enter a magical world where.oh forget. Bulma is a girl back in France, whose father, Dr. Briefs gets lost and ends up in a castle, and she goes to save him and meets some interesting characters. Don't worry; the plot is better than that.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not even gonna say it.  
  
  
  
  
  
As the scene fades from its dark first appearance, a cute, little drawing of a castle that has by Bura Briefs written on the bottom, appears. Bura begins to narrate:  
  
"Once upon a time, there was a mean prince who could have anything he wanted. But, then, this mean old lady named Freezer turned all his subjects into candles and barbecues, so he didn't get everything he wanted anymore. And that old Freezer gave him this pie, and said if it was eaten by noon on his twenty-fifth birthday, his servants would stay stuff forever! And so, that's where my mommy came in!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma, dressed in a blue dress with a white apron, walks out of a little cottage with a basket. Much to the listener's dismay, she begins singing.  
  
"Tokyo, what a quiet.yeah right! Tokyo, what a loud urban city! Tokyo, with all its noisy people, who always say." She is cut off when anyone and everyone says:  
  
"Out of the way!"  
  
"Out of my way!"  
  
"Get out of the way!"  
  
"Move along, you stupid blue-haired holder-upper-of-traffic!"  
  
"Stop singing! Even the fish are starting to complain!"  
  
She stops singing, a little angry, but continues walking. She ends up in a chemistry lab-looking place, where she greets Master Roshi.  
  
"Why, hello, Bulma! How are you today?"  
  
"Oh, I'm fine Roshi. I finished making your software to find the perfect woman."  
  
"YEAH!" He grabs the disc from her and slams it into his computer. He starts that geyser laugh of his and Bulma rolls her eyes and leaves.  
  
She walks up to a fountain, and gets out a little hand-held computer. "Now.if I can get done with my chores by 12:00, I'll have time to watch all my soaps!"  
  
She has failed to notice that about thirty sheep have gathered around her, staring at the little organizer she's messing with.  
  
"Baa!"  
  
"AAAAGGHHH!" she screams, and falls into the fountain. "BAKA SHEEP!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Dad?" Bulma called, arriving at her house.  
  
"Bulma? Is that you?"  
  
"Meow?"  
  
"Yes, Dad! Where are you?"  
  
"Oh, just working on my invention for the convention!"  
  
"Hi, Dad," she said, walking into Dr. Briefs' and Kitty's workshop.  
  
"I'm just about done with it now," he said, tightening a screw. "There. It's all finished. Does that look right, Kitty?"  
  
"Meow."  
  
"I agree. With this machine, we should be able to take over the world-I mean.end world hunger," Dr. Briefs corrected, laughing nervously.  
  
"Meow."  
  
"I'm sorry, Kitty. It slipped." He turned to Bulma. "Well, I'm off to the conference. I'll see you at sundown!"  
  
He climbed into his aircar and drove off.  
  
"Bye Dad!" Bulma called.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Yes, Kitty, I think we are lost," Dr. Briefs admitted.  
  
"Meow."  
  
"Yes, I know I should've asked directions from the woman at the gas station."  
  
"Meow."  
  
"I'm sorry, Kitty. I know this will set back your world domination plans a little, but-"  
  
"Meow."  
  
"No, Kitty! Please don't leave!"  
  
Patch jumped off Dr. Briefs shoulder and ran off into the woods.  
  
"Oh.great."  
  
  
  
  
  
Dr. Briefs found himself at a big castle. "Maybe Kitty ran in there," he contemplated, going inside. "Hello? I'm looking for my kitty! Is he here? Have you seen him?"  
  
Silence, then the clattering of something that sounded like footsteps.  
  
"Hello?" He ventured into another room.  
  
He left behind a curious candlestick and a clock.  
  
"Come on, Piccolo!" the candlestick begged. "Let's help him find his kitty!"  
  
"Son-kun! If our `Master' finds out, he'll kill us!" the clock protested.  
  
"Oh, Piccolo! You worry too much!"  
  
The candlestick ran after Dr. Briefs. "Hey! Down here!" he yelled.  
  
"Hmm?" Dr. Briefs looked down at the talking candlestick. "My goodness, what will they think of next?"  
  
"Allow us to assist you in finding your kitty," Goku offered. "But, first, won't you have a nice cup of tea?"  
  
"Oh, yes, thank you."  
  
  
  
  
  
"How do you like your tea?" a teapot asked.  
  
"Um.two lumps of sugar, please," Dr. Briefs requested.  
  
"Two lumps, then."  
  
"What may I call you?"  
  
"I am Chichi," the teapot answered, then pointed at the cup. "And this is my son, Gohan."  
  
"Hi!"  
  
"Well, Chichi, Gohan, you're awfully good hosts," he complimented, and then drank his tea.  
  
"All right, will you leave now?" Piccolo exclaimed.  
  
"Not before watching the Master's big screen t.v. and playing on the Master's tennis court and trying on all the Master's clothes!" Goku said.  
  
"It's almost as if you want us to get caught." The green clock raised an eyebrow.  
  
"WHO DARES TO ENTER MY PALACE UNINVITED?!" a voice roared from the doorway.  
  
  
  
"Uh-uh-uh.Dr. B-Briefs, sir.I-I'm just l-looking for m-my Kitty," Dr. Briefs stammered.  
  
"I shall lock you in the dungeon until you become my peasant!" the voice, which belonged to Vegeta roared. "That's the way we do things here."  
  
  
  
  
  
Back at Bulma's house, someone happened to be lurking in the shadows. "MUAHAHA! Finally Bulma will marry me!" he laughed.  
  
He knocked on the door. Bulma opened it.  
  
"Yamucha?" she gaped.  
  
"Bulma, I've come to tell you that today, you are the luckiest girl on this planet!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Why, because I'm the main character of the story?"  
  
"No, because I'm going to make you my little wife-to rub my feet and comb my hair and cater to my every whim."  
  
Bulma sweatdropped. "Gee, that's tempting, but I'll have to pass." She slammed the door in his face.  
  
"Poor me." Yamucha said, pitifully.  
  
  
  
  
  
About an hour later, Bulma heard a scratching at the door. She went and opened it.  
  
"Kitty?" She raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Meow."  
  
"Dad's been thrown into the dungeon by an evil prince who plans to make him his servant, and who has enchanted objects who used to be people already serving him?"  
  
"Meow."  
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma arrived at the castle. She knocked loudly on the door. "OPEN UP!" she screamed.  
  
"Let's help!" Son Goku, the candlestick exclaimed.  
  
"You can count me out!" Piccolo, the clock roared. "I refuse to allow myself to be subjected to reprimanding from the `Master' just because of you stupid charities!"  
  
"Suit yourself." Son Goku shrugged.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Dad?!" Bulma cried. "Where are you?"  
  
"Oh, I'm in here, Bulma!" came the response.  
  
Bulma followed the voice to a jail cell. "Hello, dear. Anything new?"  
  
"Dad! What happened? Who put you in there?"  
  
"A troll."  
  
"A troll?"  
  
"A troll."  
  
"A TROLL?!?" screamed a new voice.  
  
"Isn't that what I just said?" Dr. Briefs asked, a little peeved.  
  
"That wasn't me.Dad." Bulma gulped and turned around.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A TROLL?!" Vegeta demanded.  
  
"Well, it's what you are," Dr. Briefs said, in his weird, devil-may-care, but Kitty-sure-does way.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked Bulma.  
  
"I'm Bulma Breifs," she said, arrogantly, "the genius daughter of Dr. Briefs."  
  
Dr. Briefs sneezed.  
  
"DAD!! You're sick! Mr. Troll, please take me in place of my father," she begged.  
  
"Wow, that's a deal I can't pass up!" Vegeta exclaimed.  
  
He picked up Dr. Briefs and tossed him out a nearby window.  
  
"Y-you didn't even let me say goodbye! YOU PROBABLY JUST KILLED HIM!" Bulma broke into a sob. "You didn't let me say `Goodbye.' "  
  
  
  
  
  
Back in the city, Yamcha was having a beer or two at the local tavern, trying to drown his sorrows.  
  
"I can't believe she said NO!" he whined.  
  
"Oh, get over it," Tenshinhan growled.  
  
  
  
  
  
Later that night, when Bulma was finished complaining about the rudeness of "the beast," her stomach began getting angry at her. She tiptoed out of her room, and into the kitchen.  
  
When she got there, she found a certain prince was already there.  
  
"Could I have some soup?" Bulma requested.  
  
"Whatever," Vegeta replied, sliding a bowl of something that resembled soup across the counter toward her.  
  
She took a sip. "ICK!" she exclaimed, sticking out her tongue. "That's no soup! It's BROTH!"  
  
Vegeta stared at her, brewing for a moment, before breaking out into song.  
  
"YOU'RE A PEST! YOU'RE A PEST! ALWAYS ASKING FOR THE BEST! CAN'T YOU BE SATISFIED, OR ARE YOU JUST A BOTHER?! YOU MUST NOT HAVE HAD PROPER RAISING BY YOUR FATHER!"  
  
"Stop singing."  
  
"Okay."  
  
  
  
  
  
The next day, while Vegeta was training, Bulma took a leisurely walk around the castle.  
  
In the gravity room, Son Goku and Piccolo tried to give him advise.  
  
"If you'll be nice to her, maybe she won't find and eat your pie. Then, if no one eats it, we'll actually be able to serve you!" Son Goku exclaimed.  
  
"Well." Vegeta contemplated. "Would you give me bubblebaths?"  
  
"Of course, Master!"  
  
"I'll be nice to her. Oh, how nice I shall be!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Bulma had come upon a certain part of the castle that contained a certain pastry that had a certain ability to break a certain spell.  
  
"Certainly," Bulma said. She roamed around the room until she saw this certain pastry. She reached out, grabbed it, licked her lips, and was about to take a bite, when.  
  
"LEAVE THE PIE ALONE!" Vegeta screamed from the doorway. He took the pie from her and cradled it like a baby. "GET OUT OF HERE!"  
  
Bulma ran toward the door, before turning back and blowing Vegeta a raspberry.  
  
He growled. "Stupid onna."  
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma ran out the door of the castle, altogether, and into the snow. Vegeta watched from his window as she came to a dead end. Behind her, wolves had begun to gather, and were viciously growling. With no way out, she grabbed a capsule, popped it open, and grabbed the umbrella it contained. She prepared to defend herself as well as she could with it.  
  
Vegeta sighed. "Here goes nothing."  
  
  
  
  
  
Outside, Bulma was getting pretty nervous. The umbrella might stun a wolf, but it couldn't keep them all off forever.  
  
One after another, they snapped at her, prepared to bite at will.  
  
She had almost given up hope when a white glove appeared in front of her and big-banged the wolves to kingdom come.  
  
"Y-you saved me? After I almost ate your pie?" she stammered.  
  
He nodded.  
  
She gasped, noticing something. "You're hurt!"  
  
"It's just a scratch," he said, pointing to the foot long scrape, dripping with blood on his arm.  
  
"That's no scratch! What happened?" Bulma demanded.  
  
"Gravity machine accident," he grumbled.  
  
"Come on inside, and I'll wrap it for you."  
  
"I don't need your help," Vegeta said, gruffly.  
  
"I SAID come on inside, and I'll wrap it for you."  
  
  
  
  
  
"There, all done," Bulma announced, as she finished cleaning and bandaging the cut.  
  
"I hate you," Vegeta spat.  
  
"Shut up. Thank you for saving me, though."  
  
"Oh, whatever."  
  
  
  
  
  
Later, around Christmastime, Bulma was out taking her morning walk in the snow, when Vegeta happened to pass by after his mid-morning training session.  
  
Bulma saw him, giggled, and picked up a snowball. She tossed it at him and hit him in the butt.  
  
"Hey!" he cried.  
  
"It wasn't me!" she declared, innocently.  
  
"Yeah, right," he muttered.  
  
Bulma continued to gaze at the scenery, when, suddenly she was struck on the back of the head with a boulder-sized snowball. She fell in the snow, unconscious.  
  
"Oops."  
  
  
  
  
  
A week later, Vegeta sat in a tub, being scrubbed and washed by a few of his little object-servants.  
  
"Why am I doing this again?" he wondered.  
  
"To impress Bulma," Son Goku explained.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you're in love with her!" Piccolo yelled, exasperated.  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
  
  
  
  
In the ballroom, Bulma appeared at the top of the stairs in a beautiful gown. Vegeta arrived at the same moment on the opposite end of the stairs. They met in the middle and walked hand-in-hand down the main stairs.  
  
Halfway down, Bulma tripped on her high heels and tumbled the rest of the way, taking Vegeta with her.  
  
As they sat, dazed on the bottom step, they looked at each other, blushed, and stood up.  
  
They began dancing, elegantly in the ballroom.  
  
"Tale as old as time. Fake as it can be. Barely even acquainted, when somebody fainted, unexpectedly. Just a little weird. Creepy, if I do say so. Both a little odd, not a one too broad, genius and the ego. Ever just as strange, ever so weird, ever a mismatch, shouldn't they be foe? Genius and the ego."  
  
  
  
  
  
A week later, it was the day before Vegeta's twenty-fifth birthday. He was very excited to have the girl of his dreams, and Son-kun and crew were excited to be turning back into people.  
  
While sitting on the balcony that day, Vegeta said to Bulma, "Would you marry me?"  
  
"Oh.Vegeta.of course! I didn't know you were capable of kindness, but I really feel you've shown it to me. So, yes, I will marry you."  
  
"HEE!"  
  
  
  
  
  
The next day was to be a grand celebration! The prince's birthday and the regaining of the objects' freedom.  
  
At noon, everyone counted down the gongs: "Twelve! Eleven! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! HOORAY!"  
  
They stood there for a moment. Nothing happened.  
  
"WHAT'S WRONG?!" Piccolo screamed.  
  
"Maybe someone ate the pie," Son Goku suggested.  
  
"Don't even KID about something like that!" Piccolo yelled.  
  
"I'll go see," Vegeta said. He walked up to the room with the pie in it. He looked around and didn't see the pie anywhere!  
  
The others had followed him.  
  
"Where is it?" Piccolo exclaimed, frantically.  
  
A loud, obnoxious burp was heard in the corner. The group ventured toward the sound, to see a stuffed Son Goten, with pie filling around his mouth.  
  
"Boy!" he cried. "I love pie!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Well.that was a weird one, but so are all of my parodies. I decided to do all of the ideas I had, but I am open to any suggestions on a fic someone would like. I'll try anything! Just write me about something you wanna read about, and I'll try my best!  
  
  
  
Gimme a review!  
  
Ja ne!  
  
  
  
-Nova-sama 


End file.
